La Douleur Exquise
by galacticsplash
Summary: AU where Bluestar falls in love with Crookedstar instead of Oakheart. Rated T for future chapters just in case.
1. Chapter 1

**La Douleur Exquise- The heartbreaking pain of wanting someone you can't have/the exquisite pain**

 **AU where Bluestar falls in love with Crookedstar instead of Oakheart.**

 **This is my first fanfic so I apologize for any format errors or mistakes! I hope you enjoy the story. I don't own the warriors series or any of the characters in this fic. Feel free to make suggestions on how to make the story better! Thanks~**

The wind was violent and cold, biting at Bluefur's ears as she made her way down the path to Fourtrees. She shivered and wished she had another cat with her to keep her warm on her journey, although it wouldn't be long until she arrived at her destination. Soon she wouldn't be alone any longer. She was planning on meeting a warrior tom from Riverclan at Fourtrees that night. They first met during a gathering as apprentices and they became friends, spending time together every month at the gathering, and as they grew older they began meeting more often, sneaking out to see each other.

In the dim light of the stars, Bluefur could just begin to make out the towering silhouette of Fourtrees in the distance. It wasn't much farther now. She quickened her pace, eager to see him. The two warriors hadn't seen each other since the last gathering, lately it had been hard for them to sneak out to meet up. Things between Thunderclan and Riverclan were really tense, and they both agreed that it would be safer to keep away from each other for a while. She sighed as she approached the tall oak trees ahead. It hurt to love the Riverclan tom, knowing that it would be impossible for them to ever truly be happy together. Warriors weren't allowed to have mates from other clans after all.

As she neared the entrance to the clearing surrounded by the four great oaks, Bluefur could see the sleek muscular outline of the Riverclan warrior waiting for her inside. She broke into a run and called out to him. "Crookedjaw! I'm so glad to see you again, it's been to long." The light brown tabby tom ran to meet her, and the two cats collided tumbling into the clearing, legs intertwined, touching noses and giggling.

"It's only been a moon since we saw each other last," Crookedjaw pointed out with a chuckle.

"I know, but I missed you so much," Bluefur admitted, looking up into his alluring green eyes. She reached up and touched noses with him and he returned the gesture. They curled up close to one another, so close they felt like one. Fur against fur, nose to nose, they were drunk off each other. Bluefur wished they could stay like that forever, when it was just the two of them, nothing else mattered. Nothing else could make her feel the way she did when she was with him. Crookedjaw rolled over so he was over top of her, looking down into her fierce blue gaze. Her eyes, he always would tell her, were like deep pools of thousands of galaxies, she held entire universes behind them.

He began to speak but she quickly cut him off. "If you tell me that thing about my eyes _again_ I _will_ fight you," she teased, looking up at him challengingly.

Crookedjaw gazed back down at her with a gentle expression, his eyes warm with love for the blue Thunderclan she-cat. "Oh Bluefur," he sighed, letting out a deep chuckle, "you never cease to amaze me."

Bluefur laughed and she playfully swatted at his head. He purred and gently nibbled on her ear. "Hey," she giggled and they tussled together. She desperately tried to get out from underneath the large tom but he had her pinned to the ground.

"I win," he boasted, holding his head up high.

Bluefur took the opportunity then to push up with all her might catching him off guard, toppling onto the ground. She pounced onto him and smirked. "Not anymore," she meowed cheekily.

"You got me," he replied, throwing his head back in defeat.

Before she could respond, a rustling noise came from the bushes just beyond the entrance to Fourtrees. The sound was too loud to be a rodent, and Bluefur's fur prickled along her spine. It had to be either a cat or a large animal like a fox or badger. Whatever it was, it was a threat. She stepped off of Crookedjaw and turned to face the direction the noise was coming from, arching her back. He stood up beside her, ears pricked forward, eyes alert. He unsheathed his claws and hissed quietly.

The Thunderclan she-cat looked at him with a faint hint of worry behind her determined eyes. "Crookedjaw, if that's another cat we will both be in big trouble if we're caught together."

The brown tom lifted his nose to the air and sniffed.

"It's downwind from us, I can't catch its scent," he stated.

"You have to get out of here," Bluefur hissed under her breath. "Just in case."

But the Riverclan warrior remained where he stood, looking at her with a distant expression in his eyes. "It might not be a cat though," he said, "and I don't want to leave you here alone if it's a fox or badger or a predator of some sort. Either way, the wind is carrying our scent in that direction, they would already have smelled us by now."

Bluefur sighed. "I just don't want to lose you," she replied solemnly.

"I know," Crookedjaw whispered, "me neither."

The rustling got louder as the creature approached. From within the dense undergrowth, a dark broad figure emerged. It was another cat. Bluefur got a whiff of it's scent. A riverclan tom.

"Oakheart?" Crookedjaw exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

The bracken coloured tom shot him a look. "I'm no idiot, did you think I didn't notice you sneaking out at night every moon. I finally decided to follow you." Oakheart cast a glare in Bluefur's direction. "And here I find you getting friendly with a Thunderclan she-cat."

Crookedjaw took a step forward. "No it's not what you think," he insisted.

Oakheart narrowed his eyes. "Sure it isn't," he spat. He began to turn around and head back in the direction of Riverclan territory but Crookedjaw quickly leaped in front of him, blocking his path.

"Please," he stammered, his voice cracking slightly. "Please don't tell anyone, please brother. I love her. You must know what that's like." Oakheart's eyes softened and he cast a sad longing glance back at Bluefur and sighed.

Turning back to his brother, keeping his gaze low, he said in a hushed voice, "I really do." He hesitated before looking up to meet Crookedjaw's steady green gaze. "But it will only end in heartbreak, is it really worth it?" His tone was quiet and sad. Bluefur and Crookedjaw's eyes met and they held each other's gaze sadly. They both knew Oakhearts words were the painful truth, they could never really have the life they want to have together. _Is it worth it?_ His words rang through her ears. But as she looked deep into the piercing green eyes of the warrior she loved, she knew. Love was always worth it.


	2. Chapter 2

Bluestar returned to the Thunderclan camp just as the sun began to peek out from behind the trees. Quickly, with her head ducked down she tried to sneak back into the warriors den, hoping she wouldn't be seen, if anyone was awake. Just as she approached the den, checking the clearing behind her, she collided right into another cat.

"Sorry," she whispered, turning around to face the large gray warrior she ran into. "Thrushpelt?"

The Thunderclan tom chuckled, a playful gleam shone in his green eyes. "You're up early, Bluefur," he purred cheerily.

She laughed quietly. "Yeah, just went out for a morning hunt," she lied. It pained her to lie like that to her clanmates, but she had to keep her love for Crookedjaw a secret. She thought about her encounter with Oakheart that night, before he and Crookedjaw left Fourtrees he warned them both that they had to be more careful. He was right. Bluefur sighed.

"Did you catch anything good?" Thrushpelt asked, snapping her back to the present.

"No," she answered wistfully, trying to stifle a yawn. She was unsuccessful though, opening her jaws wide, letting her exhaustion show.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" Thrushpelt joked, his tone light and spirited.

"Of course I did!" Bluefur snapped. The gray warrior tom took a step back in surprise at her sudden outburst. "Sorry," she apologized, "I just didn't get _enough_."

"It's alright," Thrushpelt replied with a laugh, "You should get some sleep." Bluefur dipped her head in thanks and ducked into the warriors den. Careful not to wake up any of the other warriors, she chose a spot close to the entrance and quietly curled up and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Bluefur awoke to a paw prodding at her side. "Wake up," a voice hissed loudly in her ear. She struggled to open her tired eyes, blinking away the sleep that still clouded her vision. She looked up into the yellow eyes of a dusty brown tabby she-cat.

"I'm up I'm up, stop poking me," she protested.

"Good," the tabby responded, drawing her paw away. "Pinestar wants you, Lionheart, and I to patrol the Riverclan border." She said over her shoulder as she began to exit the den. Bluefur stretched out her forelimbs and yawned.

"Wait for me Mousefur," she called as she stood up and padded out of the den after her. The sun was at it's peak in the clear blue sky and it beat down on her fur, keeping her warm. "How long was I asleep?"

"Long enough," Mousefur replied bitterly. "It's sun high."

"Sorry," Bluefur meowed sheepishly. "I didn't sleep well last night."

Mousefur nodded in understanding. "Yeah Thrushpelt mentioned that. He made sure no one woke you up for a while so you could rest" She smirked. "I think he's taken a liking to you."

"Oh, u-uh," Bluefur stammered, unsure of how to respond. Mousefur laughed, nudging her teasingly.

"Are you two ready to go," a deep, warm voice spoke from behind them. The two she-cats turned around to see a large muscular tom with thick golden fur standing patiently.

"Oh Lionheart, we were just waiting for you," Mousefur meowed. "Let's go."

The three warriors trekked out of the camp, padding through the dense green undergrowth of the forest, heading toward Riverclan territory. Bluefur silently pleaded to Starclan that she wouldn't encounter Crookedjaw on her patrol. One other cat already had found out about them, she couldn't let anyone else know. Her heart hurt as she thought about what she could've had if she was a Riverclan warrior. No secrets, no lies, no heartache. She wouldn't have to hide her feelings.

"Are you okay?" Mousefur suddenly asked, startling her. "You seem very distracted."

"No, no I'm fine," Bluefur replied quickly. The tabby warrior didn't look convinced, but she just shrugged and continued walking.

As they approached the border Lionheart came to an abrupt halt, raising his tail to alert the other two warriors. They crouched lower to the ground and Bluefur held her breath. "I smell Riverclan warriors," Lionheart hissed in a hushed voice.

 _Please Starclan don't let Crookedjaw be one of them,_ Bluefur thought.

"They're on our territory," Mousefur growled angrily, "the scent is too strong to be coming from their side of the border."

Lionheart snarled and stalked forward, his ears flattened against his head, Mousefur following close behind. Bluestar took the rear, falling into pace behind the other two warriors, keeping low to the ground. She tasted the air, trying to catch the individual scents of the invading cats but she didn't recognize any of them. Relieved, she relaxed and continued to prowl through the bushes, following the scent of the Riverclan warriors. But as she got closer and the smells got stronger, she caught the faint whiff of a familiar scent. Crookedjaw.

Bluestar felt a mixture of fear and anger. She was part of border patrol, if he was one of the intruders she would have to fight him, and that's the last thing she wanted to do. But if she avoided fighting him, Mousefur and Lionheart might notice. Although she was worried, she couldn't mask the anger that began to well up inside of her. Why would he do that to her? How could he invade Thunderclan's territory knowing full well she belonged there? Did he not even consider how that would make _her_ feel? She was furious.

The Thunderclan warriors emerged from the forest into the clearing by the river close to sunning rocks. There they saw a pawful of Riverclan warriors lounging around, eating freshly killed prey. Bluefur swept her gaze over the group of cats, until she rested her eyes on the brown tabby lying beside the other warriors. He looked up as the Thunderclan cats approached, and his green eyes met hers. A hint of fear flashed through them and he looked away, unable to hold her gaze. Lionheart stalked towards them, snarling.

"What are you doing here?" he growled, his tone was ice cold. "This is Thunderclan territory. You don't belong here."

A sleek black and silver tabby tom stood from where he sat at the edge of the group and calmly padded up to the orange Thunderclan tom, stopping only a mouse-length in front of him. "Need I remind you, Lionheart, sunning rocks rightfully belongs to Riverclan," the warrior stated coolly. "We're simply taking back what is ours."

Lionheart narrowed his eyes and snarled, "Then you're going to have to fight for it." Mousefur confidently stepped up beside him, head held high. Bluefur wavered just behind, hesitant. The three of them were outnumbered, as there were four Riverclan invaders. Crookedjaw looked back up at her, his face masked with worry. She bared her teeth at him and stepped forward beside Lionheart.

The tension was strong between the Thunderclan tom and the silver Riverclan warrior. Suddenly the Riverclan tom leapt forward and knocked Lionheart to the ground. He recovered quickly, however, turning to lash out at his attacker, raking his claws into the silver tabby's cheek. The injured tom yowled in pain and scarlet drops began to well up from his wound. In a flash of fur the rest of the invaders were at his side, and the rival warriors flung themselves at one another in a fury of claws and teeth. Mousefur bravely took on two of the Riverclan cats, while Lionheart tussled with the silver and black tabby tom, leaving just Bluefur and Crookedjaw. He flashed her a sheepish, guilt ridden look, which just infuriated her more. She lept at him and pinned him to the ground.

In a hushed tone she growled, "Who do you think you are. Why would you do this to me."

"I'm sorry I-" Crookedjaw started, but he couldn't seem to find the words. "Please forgive me Bluefur. I love you. I just, well, Blackclaw has a point…"

"Are you kidding," Bluefur spat, keeping him pinned beneath her.

"Well we used to own sunning rocks," Crookedjaw pointed out quickly. "You understand don't you. Couldn't you just give us back our land."

"Leave," Bluefur hissed dismissively, biting down on his ear hard before stepping off of him. "I don't want to hurt you, but you should go. You've done enough." Before he could respond, Crookedjaw noticed the rest of the Riverclan warriors fleeing to the safety of their own territory, wounded and bloody. He cast one last glance, hurt flashing in his eyes, before bounding away after the rest of his clanmates.

Bluefur sighed and turned to face Lionheart and Mousefur. The two warriors were badly wounded, Mousefur had blood swelling from just above her left eye, deep gashes on her stomach and side, and she held her foreleg close to her, which was caked with blood and dirt. Lionheart was less injured, with a few scratches and a nick in his ear. They both were looking at Bluefur, their expressions less than impressed.

"What was that Bluefur," Mousefur hissed.

"What do you mean?" she asked, worry rising in her chest.

"You didn't even _fight_ ," the brown she-cat spat, her tail lashing. "That warrior left without more than a single bite on the ear. And _you_ , you don't even have _any_ wounds. What was that about?" The two Thunderclan glared at her as they waited for her response.

"Well, uh I…" Bluefur trailed off. There was no way she could explain that without giving away the truth.

"When we get back to camp," Lionheart growled, "you have a lot of explaining to do."


	3. Chapter 3

The three Thunderclan warriors arrived back to camp from border patrol, and were instantly greeted with many worried faces. A snow white she-cat pushed her way forward to the front of the crowd.

"What happened," she gasped as she laid eyes on the injured warriors. She turned to Bluefur, her face full of concern. "Are you hurt?" Bluefur glanced hesitantly at Mousefur and Lionheart.

"We'll live," Mousefur replied bitterly. She turned away without another word and headed towards the medicine cat's den, followed by several other anxious cats. The white warrior watched her as she left, confused.

"Did I say something wrong?" she asked.

Lionheart shook his head. "No Snowfur, don't worry, it's just," he sighed and glanced at Bluefur. She could tell from the look in his eyes that he was disappointed in her. He knew. It shouldn't have surprised her, how easily someone found out. Why else would she have held back from fighting an enemy cat to defend her clan's territory? How could she have been so foolish, to let her guard down with her clanmates present, even for a moment? What would she tell them? What would happen to her if she told the truth? Though she didn't have much choice at this point, there was nothing else to tell them.

"I'm sorry," Bluefur whispered suddenly.

"What?" Snowfur questioned, fixing her ice blue gaze back on Bluefur.

"I didn't help them fight," she replied quietly, trying to keep her head held high. She thought about what she would say. How would she word it? She figured she didn't need to explain anything now, not in front of Snowfur. It was for Lionheart and Mousefur's ears only, although she knew that eventually, she wouldn't escape from the rest of the clan finding out.

Snowfur eyed her questioningly but chose not to push the subject further. "Well, I'm going to see how Mousefur is doing," she stated. As she padded away silently, Lionheart turned to Bluefur.

"Yeah, about your behavior back there with that Riverclan warrior," he began coolly, "I'd like an explanation."

"I believe you already know," she sighed, meeting his eyes uncertainly. He held her gaze calmly, without speaking. After a few moments of silence between the two warriors, Bluefur looked around at the other clanmates in the clearing. They weren't within earshot, but she felt uneasy having that conversation around so many cats. "Can we talk about this somewhere more private?" Lionheart nodded and they both headed to the back of the camp choosing a spot hidden in the undergrowth to speak.

"I can only assume what's going on," he commented, "but I can't just go with assumptions, I need you to tell me the truth yourself." His stare burned into her and her fur prickled uncomfortably.

"What will happen to me?" she asked nervously, hesitant to open up while still unaware of the consequences she would have to face. Lionheart sighed and closed his eyes.

"I don't know," he replied. "That's for Pinestar to figure out."

A gasp escaped Bluefur. "You're not going to tell him are you?" she asked in panic. The orange tom shot her a glance. Of course he would, it would be unright for him to keep a secret like this from their leader. She seemed to be the only cat in the clan who was dishonorable enough to break the warrior code. She had to expect more from her clanmates, they were better than that. Hanging her head she confessed, "I fell in love with that warrior I chose not to fight on border patrol, I'm sorry. I don't know what to do, I can't change my feelings for him."

Lionheart didn't respond. Bluefur looked up at him, scared to see his expression, but the look on his face was unreadable. Finally, he broke the silence. "If you can't change your feelings, change your actions."

"What do you mean by that," she inquired, her voice barely a whisper.

"I'm sure you know," he noted, his gaze unwavering. "I'm guessing you've been sneaking out to meet him occasionally, am I right?" Bluefur nodded, looking away from him, unable to meet his eyes. "Then stop. Act like you've never even met him. Whether you still love him or not, act like you don't, it will only cause trouble if you do." Her heart lurched. What was worse than loving a cat from another clan, was to love a cat from another clan and treat him like an enemy. She couldn't do that, not without causing the two of them pain, and they both already had enough of that. But as she looked up into Lionhearts eye's she realized, she had no other choice.

"Are you still going to tell Pinestar?" she fretted, her voice cracking. How stupid she was to let Crookedjaw steal her heart, she should've known it would only end in pain, and now she had to pay for it. Lionheart gazed at her softly for a long time before speaking.

"No," he said gently.

"What?"

"I won't tell him," he repeated. "I know you're already enough pain as it is, I don't want you to go through more than you need to." Bluefur managed a small smile, grateful for his kindness.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"And," he continued, "I won't tell anyone else either. Not even Mousefur. I'll tell her that you were interrogating him, or something along those lines." He smiled down at her and she tried to hold back her tears as she looked up at him thankfully.

"You're too kind," she replied in a soft, quiet tone.

"Hey, that's what friends are for," Lionheart purred. "Now let's go get something to eat from the fresh kill pile, I'm starving."


End file.
